If it is so natural, why can't I do this?

I was speaking with a friend today who has just had a baby. I asked her whether she was breastfeeding him. She replied with a tone of guilt that even though she had tried really hard, she was unable to breastfeed and had switched to forumla. She noted that there was so much pressure to breastfeed yet not enough support for new mums and was already feeling regretful.

It got me thinking about my breastfeeding journey. With Layla turning 11 months next week and now down to three feeds a day, breastfeeding is easy and simple. It was not always this way. My journey has included several bouts of mastitis, pain issues and a baby with poor attachment. I have written previously about the battle to breastfeed and thought I would include here a few points:

• Do not underestimate how difficult breastfeeding can be. While not all women have problems feeding, a fair few do. While I am now a long term breastfeeder, I must admit that feeding added to my struggle, exhaustion and depression in the early days;
• Try to prepare for breastfeeding by attending a breastfeeding class at your hospital or through the Australian Breastfeeding Association;
• Find a local private lactation consultant before you have your baby. If you are having problems, contact the consultant and arrange a visit as soon as possible. When I was a child, women spent 7-10 days in hospital with nurses on hand to help with breastfeeding at any time during the day or night. Nowadays, women leave hospital shortly after their milk comes in (if they are lucky!) and are faced with many of the challenges when they get home;
• Call the Australian Breastfeeding Associations help line (1800 MUM 2 MUM - 1800 686 2 686 (drop final 6 from Voip phones)) at any time of the day or night for help and support with feeding. The counsellors are real mums who have been through the same ups and downs as you;
• No matter how long you last, whether it is a week, a month or a year, you should be commended for the effort it takes to feed your child. No matter the decision you make, you have a beautiful child who will and does love you to bits. Breastfeeding is but once element of having a child. There are and will be plenty of other challenges and joys along the way. In the scheme of things, the time spent breastfeeding is but a moment in a childs life.

Good luck and happy feeding!

The bewitching hour

Most Mums will tell you that something strange happens as the day draws to a close. Their babies and children start to go a bit feral. There is more than the normal crying, fussing and difficulties at this time. I had heard this over and over again from parents before having Layla and was well aware of the time that is often referred to as the bewitching or arsnic hour. In actually fact, while many parents could deal with an hour of difficult behaviour, this fussy period is more like several hours from 4pm onwards until bed time (which could be anytime until late!). I must admit that such an hour rarely is seen in our house. I hear your gasps.......why not, you may say. Let me start by saying that I only have one child at the moment. I know that in homes with multiple children the stress at the end of the day is significantly hightened. From the start I have employed the following tactics to deal with this difficult time of day:

• By 4pm, everyone in the house is tired and had enough of the day. This includes not just your baby but also you! As such, I try to remove the stress from this time by not having any pressing chores, dinners to prepare or things to do. At this time of day, I am only focused on Layla;
• It is never too early to start preparing dinner. In order to remove the stress at the end of the day, either start preparing dinner in stages first thing in the morning, try and cook larger meals so that the left overs provide another meal, use a slow cooker so meals cook during the day or ask a friend/family member to cook you dinner;
• I try not to be home between 4 and 5pm. I find that if we are home, things get stressful. Even from the early days, this was always a good time to go for a walk, go to the park or see friends. With a newborn, this is a good time for you to get out of the house and get some air. The exercise is also good for you before you prepare to go to bed. Often I would be so tired from sleep deprivation but my body was not tired. A brisk walk helped to burn any remaining energy so that when I got into bed, I fell asleep quickly;
• If the weather makes it difficult to walk with a newborn, I used to cluster feed Layla and carry her in the sling close to me. Sometimes she would sleep and othertimes just chill being held nice and close. The idea of cluster feeding can be intense if your baby normally takes a long time to feed, you find yourself sitting around forever and your boobs are sore from feeding. At the end of the day your milk supply is at its lowest. By feeding your baby and letting him/her sleep at the breast at this time, it is a great bonding time, fills their tummies and relaxes them. Don't worry, babies don't cluster feed for very long in the scheme of things. Just turn on the TV and resign yourself to the fact that nothing is getting done this afternoon. If you have older children, this is a good time to feed your newborn while watching them play at home or in the park;
• As adults, we all have a bedtime routine. It normally consists of something like dinner, relaxation, shower, teeth brushing, reading and then sleep. While things may differ from day to day, for the most part, we follow this routine as a way of getting ready for sleep. In teaching your baby the difference between day and night, installing the idea of a bedtime routine can never start too early. This routine will be one that your baby will follow for the rest of their lives and is important to instigate early. It is a way of teaching them that each day comes to an end and that this is the time for sleep;
• The preparation for bed starts early in our house. From newborn it consisted of feed, bath, feed, bed and has now graduated to dinner, breastfeed, bath, bottle, story, bed. I've written on bedtime routine in a previous post;
• Some people have been surprised at the length of time I dedicate to bedtime but in doing so, I have generally avoided the frustrations and stress associated with bewitching hour/s. The afternoons belong to Layla as we prepare for bed. Considering how much stress is placed on parents when an overtired baby won't settle to sleep at the end of the day, any steps to avoid such stress seemed to me to be worth it.

Right from her first bath, Layla has always loved a warm bath as a precusor to bed
.........soooo relaxing!

 There will always be times when nothing seems to work. You follow the bedtime routine but there are still tears at bedtime. All you can do is to keep going, follow the steps and work towards sleep. You need to be consistent, strong, brave and committed. You know that this baby is overtired and needs to sleep, so you need to just keep going until it happens even if it takes a long time.

But it just won't work!

In my mind, most problems have a solution. Few things cannot be fixed if you put your mind to it. Diagnose the problem, consider the options, implement the solution. Problem fixed.

'What is going on?'

All of these theories were perfectly logically and accurate until I had a baby. Once I had a baby, I had problems that I could not understand, solutions that did not seem to work, symptoms that did not match problems and most of all, sleep deprivation and a huge headache. Now that Layla is rapidly approaching her first birthday, I have figured out the following:

• Nothing works the first time;
• There are no quick fix solutions;
• Babies crave routine and consistency. You are the one to give them this even if it seems to not be working or really really hard;
• If you fail, try, try again;
• Any habit can be changed with consistent behaviour from the parents;
• It is never too early or late to try something new. Even newborns will learn that things happen in a certain order if you consistently behave in the same way;
• Routine is not about having a baby that sleeps and wakes on cue. Routine is about establishing that things happen in a certain order and are predictable for little people who are constantly being challenged by the world.

Even Pavlov's dogs didn't salivate the first time the bell was rung. Everything takes time. As a parent, the failure to see instant (or even quick) results can be difficult, annoying and soul destroying. What you need to remember is that you are having an impact (even if it is really small). Overtime, all the work you have done is establishing ways and methods that will pay off......it just takes time. Keep going......it really does get easier.

Review - the ones you loved the most!

Well it's been almost 5 months since I started blogging and I can hardly believe the response. I've managed to write 64 posts with many more in draft stage just waiting to be be finished. It has been amazing to see how many people read my blog and the diverse places that they come from. I'm also intrigued by which posts have interested you the most and how many people go back to old posts for a read, review, a giggle or support. I've decided today to share with you the most popular posts so far.

1. Picking the perfect baby gift
2. What really makes an expert
3. Things to do just before baby comes
4. How to photograph your baby with brilliant results

I could never have dreamt of starting a blog without my daughter Layla.....

Then - 4 days old....



& Now - 10 months!

 She has been my inspiration, my motivation and my obsession over the past ten and a half months (not to mention the nine months in utero). As Layla grows and develops, I hope that she will continue to inspire me to keep writing and posting ideas, tips, suggestions and supports for new and expectant parents. We all know how much we need each other to survive the challenges of being a parent.

Reflections on Motherhood

A friend sent me a link to this You Tube video today. We both became mothers only a few weeks apart and now have the joy of watching our kids grow up together. Over the past two weeks, three of my friends have given birth to their first children. As to be expected, the early days have brought waves of joy and frustration, exhaustion and exhilaration. When I watched this video, it brought a tear to my eye. It is so try, so touching and so important. If you are a parent, make sure you support your friends and family with new babies. Call them, SMS them, drop in a meal. Let them know that we have all been through the difficulties of becoming a parent and that the difficulties do pass. Watch the video and enjoy.

My Baby Made Me Fat!

I once had a woman (in her 60's and morbidly obese) tell me that the reason for her weight problems, were her children. She said with a laugh "my children made me fat. It's all their fault". It was said to me when I was pregnant and the comment has been swimming around my head ever since.

During my pregnancy I trained with a personal trainer every week and made sure I was either in the gym of doing some other kind of structured exercise until I was 36 weeks. In fact, I was walking from our house to the local shopping district (15 minute steady paced walk) and back almost every day in the last month of my pregnancy. I was extremely fearful of gestational diabetes and for this reason (along with many others) I ate well and exercised religiously. As a result, I put on very little weight when I was pregnant. I felt great and I was happy with my pregnant shape.

Given my almost addiction to exercise while pregnant, I was sure that I would pick up where I left off once Layla was born. Oh, how wrong I was. Sleep deprivation changes everything. There were some days when I could hardly walk up and down our stairs let alone contemplate exercise. I continued to walk with Layla to our local shopping district after the initial few weeks. This resulted in Layla's dislike of car travel mainly because we walked to so many places instead of driving. However, beyond walking, exercise disappeared from my life. Being home and tired, I turned to food to make me feel better. I ate when I was hungry, cold, hot, tired, bored, happy and sad. My energy levels hit rock bottom and my bottom started to look like a rock (actually make that a boulder!). I knew I had to do something. All of my efforts in keeping the weight off while pregnant had been destroyed by my lack of activity and eating habits on maternity leave. Being at home and tired presented so many reasons to eat and not move.

I looked at the calendar and realised I was going back to work in less than two months. I looked in my wardrobe and realised that none of my work clothes fit. I looked at my body and realised it was time to get moving and shift the weight.

My wonderful Mothers Group hosted a fitness talk by Jenny Dugard  at about the same time as I was contemplating my situation. It gave me the motivation to address my fitness issues and make a change. I realised that as a role model for Layla and to be the best mother and wife I could be, I needed to like myself and be fit enough to juggle the demands of motherhood. As a result, I've gone back to seeing my trainer once a week and also signed up for a Mummies fitness group that meets in the evenings for group training once the babies have gone to sleep. While I still have a way to go, I've made a change and I feel better for it.

In researching what was around, I was surprised by the number of mums and bubs fitness groups that provide group training with a professional trainer while also providing child minding services. Most classes are only $20-$25 for an hour session. Classes take place in local parks and allow you to get out, exercise with your baby and not worry about watching them while you do your thing. I only wish that I had been less sleep deprived and more motivated to join once of these groups earlier.

As a mum, too often your needs come last after your children and partner. Often at that point, you have nothing left to give to yourself. My Dad has always said that the health of the family depends on the health of the mother - emotional, physical, mental health. By taking the time to get back on track, I'm giving back to myself and my family. Once the sleep deprivation clouds start to lift, why not try doing something like this for you?

Blaming your children for making you fat is that lamest excuse I have ever heard. Each one of us is in control of our own destinies. It is our own decisions that make us who we are and influence our children, not the other way around.

Links - Yummy Mummys Fitness
        - Body Beyond Baby

The dreaded question - do you have a routine?

I am a routined person. I love order and predictability. I like to get up at the same time, go to bed at the same time, eat the same breakfast and know what is certain in each day. As a Libran, I love balance and am always happier when things are in balance. For all of these reasons, I decided (like I was the one making the decisions) that when my baby arrived, I would have a routine for her. I read Gina Ford and Tizzy Hall on routines, I spoke with like minded mums and began memorising a daily routine for a newborn baby. The problem was that no one told Layla before she was born that we would be operating on this new routine and that she was to follow the plan I had established. She seemed to have plans of her own. For the first few weeks and early months, the routine became a burden and a desire that rarely worked. I read and re-read all the books. I talked to Layla about her behaviour but nothing seemed to work. One day I decided to sit back and watch to see what routine Layla wanted to follow. As it turned out, Layla had her own routine that I had failed to notice. From that day on, for the most part, I followed her routine. Today, Layla turns 10 months and we are definitely in a routine. Here are a few tips, mistakes, ideas and thoughts on getting your baby into a routine:

• It is never to early to establish some sort of routine. While the exact times will change, having a bedtime routine is a good way to start;
• No matter what the days brings, I found it helpful for my sanity and to teach Layla that every day has an end. For this reason, we have had a bedtime routine from day 1;
• A bedtime routine for a newborn could look something like this:
• 5/5.30pm - breastfeed or bottle (half feed);
• 6pm - bath;
• 6.20pm - baby massage and pyjamas on;
• 6.30pm - breastfeed or bottle (half feed);
• 7pm - bed.
• As a successful long term breastfeeder, I am all for demand feeding. Layla only went to 4 hour breastfeeds once we introduced solids. I never withheld food. If she was hungry and wanted to feed, I fed her. I have always demand fed during the day. When Layla was 5 months old I started to drop night feeds and would not feed her when she cried but rather comforted her with my voice and touch. I don't believe in a routine that restricts breastfeeds for newborns;
• Follow the guidelines for awake times provided by Karitane and Tressilian. Wake times range from 1 hour to 4 hours depending on the age of the baby. When the recommended wake times were coming to an end and Layla showed tired signs, I would put her down to sleep rather than waiting for her to fall asleep with over exhaustion. This gave me approximate times so I could organise things around sleeping;
• As a drawback, I've taught Layla how to sleep well in her bed but she is not great at sleeping in the car or pram (unless she is exhausted). As a result, we spend a lot of time at home. On the plus side, when it's bedtime and we follow our sleep routine, Layla goes straight to sleep with no fuss or tears(most of the time!);
• No matter what the day would bring in terms of sleeping (or not sleeping), bedtime routine always starts at the same time and the day comes to an end at the same time. As a newborn, I would never wake Layla to feed after bedtime routine. This was always her longest sleep stretch and allowed me to either go to bed early, spend time with Daniel or have some me time;
• I used to wake Layla as was recommended by a number of the baby whisperer routines. After a while, I stopped doing this. I came to the realisation that if she needed to sleep then she should sleep. The only time I felt justified to wake her was when she was really small and needed to be fed;
• I've followed various routines and find it near impossible to make Layla sleep for the recommended times. Her daytime sleeping periods vary from 40minutes to almost 3hours with no underlying reason. The sleeping times have also changed as she has gotten older. There does tend to be a pattern that forms (Layla tends to sleep longer in the morning than the afternoon) but this often changes just when I realise there is a pattern;



My Itzbeen Baby Timer - timing how long Layla has slept for

• Some days things won't work. No matter what you do, there will be days when your baby will not want to sleep. I have wasted too much energy and too many tears trying to get Layla to sleep when she won't. You need to know when to stop and go out for a walk to clear your head. Sometimes, baby will fall asleep in the pram. A frustrated Mummy is no help to anyone;
• Know that any phase is just a phase. Developmental leaps, hot weather, change and unexplained things can send your routine off the rails. Just remember that tomorrow is another day and you can start again.

Despite all our ups and downs, having some sort of routine has helped me deal with the uncertainty of becoming a parent. I hope my insights have been of some help.

How Do You Wear Your Baby?

The practice of baby wearing dates back centuries and is common to so many cultures around the world.
   


After carrying your baby for 9 months, it is to be expected that your baby will want to be close to you for comfort. Baby wearing not only lets you keep your hands free to get things done, it also has health benefits for mother and child. It helps to calm fussy babies, encourages babies to feel secure and content as well as helping mothers become more in tune with their baby's needs. Read more about the benefits of baby wearing here.

Before I had Layla, I was unaware of the benefits of baby wearing. I bought a baby bjorn carrier in order to carry her and keep my hands free as a change from having her a pram. I was reluctant to purchase a sling but was extremely grateful when my Mum bought me a Mini Monkey baby sling shortly after Layla was born.

Layla asleep at a family birthday party

Layla asleep in her sling at my sister's wedding - I think she has outgrown it now!

I used my Baby Bjorn in order to keep my hands free for shopping and when we were travelling. The additional benefits include being comfortable and easy on my back. While Layla has fallen asleep in it on numerous occasions, I rarely used it to settle her. If I had my time again, I would still buy a baby bjorn or other front carrier because they are very handy and sturdy. I recently came across another carrier by Combi known as the Magical Compact Carrier. While I have not used one, it looks very versatile offering  a range of ways you can carry your baby.

My Mini Monkey baby sling is something very special. The sling created a magical environment where Layla felt close to me and was able to settle, sleep and remain calm. I used it from when she was just a few days old until only recently. I would use the sling when:

• She would not settle to sleep at night, I was over carrying her and I needed to eat/rest;
• At family functions when she needed to sleep;
• Layla would often sleep in the sling in the afternoons for her final nap when she was little and I was tired and not up to listening to any more crying, patting or walking;
• When I would leave her with my Mum and she was unsettled, the feel and smell of the sling would remind her of being with me.

Another advantage of the sling is that it is light and compact to carry so you can take it where ever you go. I miss the feel of baby wearing, the intimate connection and closeness.

If you are expecting a baby or have a newborn, look into the benefits of baby wearing. A carrier is convenient in keeping your hands free ( I remember cooking/preparing dinner with Layla in it once when I had to get things done). Wearing your baby in a sling or pouch or Mei Tai close to your body is a bit different and delivers wonderful results for you and your baby.

My sling has been one of the best and most important items in surviving the first year of motherhood. There is nothing quite like wearing your baby.

LOVE IT, LOVE IT - Mustela Foaming Shampoo

There is an AMAZING number and variety of baby body products on the market. Whether you're after organic, fragrance free, traditional or new age, there is no limit to the range. Like her mother, Layla has a huge range of creams, shampoos and powders making bath time both fun and a special experience. I was given Mustela Foaming Shampoo for Newborns as a gift when Layla was born. We have used it almost everyday and after 9 1/2 months, it has not run out!

The foaming nature of the shampoo means that it is easy to rub into the hair and washes out with ease leaving no hard to remove residue. It does not sting sensitive little eyes and is hypoallergenic as well. We love this product and wanted to tell you all about it.

Layla loves her bath time - 6 months old

Ummmm....this is not what I ordered

When I was pregnant I remember reading the books about sleep and routines. I 'knew' that babies are renowned for not sleeping at night and that I'd be tired as a result. As such, I wanted to make sure I was prepared, equipped and confidently trained to tackle the issue of sleep. It was my job to train my child in how to sleep from the earliest age. I got into my head that if I did all the right things, was strict and stuck to a routine from day 1, I'd have a baby who slept through the night from 12 weeks. You could say I put in my order for one of these babies......the sleeping kind.


Layla asleep in her Mini Monkey Sling with me - 12 weeks

Despite all my planning, preparation, training and confidence, it seems my order got mixed up. Sleeping has always been, and in many ways continues, to be a struggle. I have to preface this statement by saying that Layla does sleep pretty well compared to many babies I know. My approach has delivered some results with nights that do deliver large stretches of uninterrupted sleep (even if it's not a full 12 hour period). I wanted to give Layla (and me!) the gift of sleep from an early age. Unlike any other challenge life has set me, this one defies logic and will. No matter how much I want her to sleep, no matter the techniques I use, Layla is her own person who comes to things at her own time.

Sleep deprivation has been my curse. I used to be a great sleeper. I could sleep just about anywhere for short periods and feel refreshed. What I had not counted on was the effect of ongoing sleep deprivation. Days, weeks and months of not sleeping sent me mad. My tears and frustration were linked primarily with not having slept. It made me feel sick, crazed, hurt and possessed. Even when I did go to lie down, I could not sleep. If anything took away my enjoyment of having a new child, it was the lack of sleep. Nothing can adequately prepare you for it. 3am is a lonely time when you crave sleep. All you want is for the night to end just so you can press the reset button, start again and hope for a better day. Even now, at 9 months, when Layla doesn't sleep well during the day I feel cheated. I feel like I have failed. I feel frustrated and angry.

No one told me that it would be two steps forward, one step back. Illness, heat, strange locations and developmental leaps all lead to disrupted sleep. I thought that once Layla knew how to sleep through the night or knew the daily routine, she would adhere to the rules and sleep. Apparently I was wrong!

I was inspired to write this post after reading a blog post and accompanying YouTube video by Mia Freedman on her blog Mamamia where she talks with her baby whisperer about giving the gift of sleep. Sleep truly is a gift. It is a gift I had always taken for granted. Teaching Layla to sleep has been a focus, an obsession, a challenge and a frustration. If I had my time over, I'd do it all again. We have made real progress but this challenge is not one that is achieved and overcome. Everyday delivers wins and set backs. These days I'm a lot less tired, we're making progress.

For new and expectant parents, I want you to realise just how hard dealing with sleep issues really are. It is recommended that sleep training doesn't commence until your baby is 6 months old. As such, there is half a year of days and nights where sleep may become a project and an obsession. Some parents don't dwell on sleep like I have. They let their baby sleep when it wants to. Personally, I couldn't do that. I wanted some certainty. I wanted to give Layla the opportunity to learn how to put herself to sleep before she was overtired and dropped from exhaustion. At times this has meant I had less freedom, was stuck at home and endured feelings of frustration. While the frustration will be short lived, the gift should be life long. It is important to know that there is help available to deal with sleep issues beyond just reading books. You are not alone with these challenges. Nowadays I see the exhausted parents walking the streets and shopping centre that I previously never saw. People will ask you "Is she a good baby? Does she sleep?". It is the obsession of most new parents. Realise that whether a baby sleeps or not does not make them bad and is not a reflection on you. I too have to remind myself of this every time I have a sleepless night or a day of no sleeping. It may not have been what I ordered but I'm not sending this one back!

Patting, Rocking, Walking & ....... Bouncing?

Layla is sick. She has been unwell for over a month now. I'll spare you all the gory details but let me tell you, there have been many special moments! With illness comes extremely unsettled behaviour. There are more tears than normal, wanting to be held all the time and extreme irritability. Along with these gems has also come a complete melt down of daytime sleeping. Every time we even contemplate bedtime, Layla has a complete freak out with absolute hysterics. This is from a child who used to just take her rabbit comforter and dummies, roll over and go to sleep. As such, I have been doing a lot of assisted settling. It has taken me back to the early days of rocking, patting and walking her to sleep when she was very small. I know that once she is better, we'll be able to work on her day sleeping and hopefully return to the good practices we had established. It seems that no one told me about the impact sickness has on babies' routines and behaviour. I know that sounds really dumb but until you have lived weeks and weeks of illness, it is hard to understand it's toll.

Rocking and patting a newborn baby one thing but doing the same with a nine month old, nine kilogram baby is something else. Layla is not only much bigger now, she is stronger and more assertive. She manages to wiggle and push me making it hard to rock her to sleep. I read of a settling technique this week that I wished I knew of months ago. Rather than walking and patting while carrying a heavy child, sit on an exercise/fit/swiss ball while gently bouncing and create a great and soothing rhythm.

I wish I would have know about this when Layla was smaller. This kind of settling is not something you want to do everyday. However, when everything falls apart and you need to get your baby to sleep, using an exercise ball as an aide is fantastic.

I bought my excerise ball from Priceline for under $20. I used it for exercise when I was pregnant and also used it when I was in labour. I've used it to strengthen my core muscles post birth and now it has come in handy in settling Layla. So many uses for such a small investment.

LOVE IT, LOVE IT : Cuddledry Baby Apron Towel

I have to admit that I always wanted one of these but never got around to buying one. Today when visiting a friend, she told me how much she loves her Baby Apron Towel. She says that it so good, that it has become her standard baby gift for new mums. In fact, she is the second Mummy friend who has sung the praises of these towels. Babies are very slippery when wet and the struggle to hold onto a wet baby and a towel can be tricky. These towels are an ingenious idea. The towel attaches around your neck, keeping your hands free to pick up the wet baby and not worry about holding onto the towel.

 

 The features of the Cuddledry baby apron towel include:

• Apron-style - keeps hands free for bathing and lifting and keeps you dry
• Organic unbleached cotton and natural bamboo fibre
• Silky soft, highly absorbent and fast drying
• Natural antibacterial properties - perfect for sensitive baby skin
• Unique double-layer system with hood - draws water away from baby's skin and hair
• Long and luxurious - cocoons and cuddles baby quickly dry
• Safe and secure - makes bathing a stress-free, natural, bonding time

Great invention from such a simple idea!