I've been meaning to write this post for a long long time but seem to have never found the time until now! The question of dummies is a vexed and controversial one. Do they help or hinder? Do they cause middle ear infections? Do they help to prevent SIDS? Do they ruin kids' teeth? Are they necessary?
When I was pregnant I decided not to introduce a dummy. I'm not sure why I decided this considering both Daniel and I had been serious dummy addicts as children. We both (strangely) had a special attachment to our dummies that often saw us with multiple dummies at any one time (in the mouth and hands).
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| Me at about Layla's age with my dummy (note the uber cool '70s vest - gorgeous) |
Despite all the warnings about giving a dummy at an early age (breast refusal, nipple confusion, causing milk to digest too quickly) I decided to give one to Layla. She had demonstrated that she was a sucky baby and I decided to substitute a dummy for my little finger so I could achieve some degree of separation when she was a newborn. Initially I rarely used the dummy. It's primary use was to provide comfort in times of distress and an inability to settle. I only increased the availability of the dummy on the advice of a mothercraft nurse who observed the relief it brought to Layla. From that time on, Layla and her dummy have become inseparable.
Many friends have decided to take away the dummy from their babies/toddlers at various stages for various reasons. One of the main ones was due to the night time replacement nightmare. I was somewhat shocked that as a newborn Layla was unable to hang on to the dummy and that I constantly needed to replace it when it fell out. I had recalled stories of friends who cursed the decision to introduce a dummy due to the constant need to replace the plug throughout the night. It was due to this stage that I decided to look for a solution. This was when bunny was born!
Bunny is Layla's comforter. It is a strange object. It is comprised of a bunny's head attached to a soft fabric square. I started placing Bunny with Layla and I when I breastfed her from an early age so that it developed a sensory link to me. Before too long, Bunny was a regular feature at bedtime, providing comfort and a magical settling ability. Due to the dummy dilemma, Bunny had a renovation and became even more special. I sewed plastic press studs to the corners and then clipped two dummies to her. Layla had learned to locate Bunny during the night and was now able to find her dummies for reinsertion no matter the evening hour. Brilliant!
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| Due to the hour of this posting, Bunny was unavailable to have her picture taken. This is an artists impression (hardly does her justice!) |
Layla and her Bunny are best of friends. They have a very special relationship. Despite this, Bunny stays at home and in Layla's bed to ensure she is always available at sleep time. Bunny has a number of stunt doubles including one that lives in the wardrobe for emergencies (when Bunny #1 is being washed - she gets a lot of loving) and one that lives at Nani's place for when Layla is there when I am at work.
So what about the dummy dilemma. Did I do the right thing? Do I love or hate the plug? Who knows. There are times I love it and times I hate it. All I know is that Layla likes it and it is comforting for her. My parents still recall their concern over my dummy dependency to the point that they were worried I'd be walking down the aisle as a bride with it! Despite these concerns, I gave it up when I was ready and I believe Layla will too.
There is no right or wrong answer. You do what you need to do in order to bring comfort to your child. Whether it is a dummy, a comforter, their finger/thumb, a teddy or a doll, every child is different. Deciding whether to introduce or maintain a dummy should not be a dilemma but rather something that you decide to do given the circumstances you face.
It is always quite interesting to hear each parent's ideas and feelings towards their decisions - and that of the child, which let's face it, usually rule at least for awhile. Ezekiel was offered a dummy after he was in special care as a newborn. I had no strong for or against stance but like you, saw it brought him comfort and stopped him crying at times. That said, at five months of age he and us moved house and we decided it was a good time to say bye bye dummy (cold turkey - I threw the LOT out to be sure we would not revert) and gave him a bunny comforter as seen in Tizzy Hall's book "SAVE OUR SLEEP" (that woman deserves a Noble Peace Prize). At almost 3 years of age Zeke has 3 well worn bunnies on rotation. Designated for sleep or at daycare or on long car trips etc, I often long to get rid of them too. However, our son LOVES bunny which as 11 months he called Baa. An object of affection is not uncommon among generations of kids - I had a donkey called Saa Saa I slept with 'til I was 7. I see no harm in them as long as kids meet their other developmental milestones such as speech, confidence and the like. And Zeke turns 21 and I find Baa tucked away on a cupboard I am sure it will be a fond memory moment.
ReplyDeleteJas, this post is so interesting- and hilarious! The bunny + dummy idea was genius. I understand Layla's attachment to Bunny- I loved my Rara so much :)
ReplyDeleteAnd you wonder why your child then developed sleeping problems down the track...medicating her to fall asleep so that you could selfishly go back to work to prove your worth..Your a hypocrite who posted a blog on here meanwhile degrading and belittling your child on facebook that was starting to sound like boarderline child abuse. Shalom baby should not recommend this blog. You are disrespectful to your child and should not be imposing your views on others.
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