03 May 2011

Reaching the 1st year milestone....do I really remember what has passed?

As my due date approached, I would wake each morning and wonder whether today would be the day - the day I would become a Mum. The anticipation, nerves and excitement almost drove me crazy. I wondered what labour would be like, whether I was going to have a boy or a girl, what this little person inside me looked like and what would it's personality be. All the waiting and wondering came to an end on 28th April 2010 when my Layla Jade was born happy and healthy.

Now a year has passed. My worrying and waiting really only started on that day rather than coming to an end. Our first year together has been the hardest, happiest, most testing and challenging, emotional and satisfying year of my life. The little bundle who starred into my eyes, with such a constant gaze, has turned into a confident, beautiful, happy and clever child.

I began writing this blog out of frustration. If so many women had had babies, why were so many things about having a newborn such a mystery? Why did everyday bring a new challenge that was emotionally, physically and mentally so taxing? Why didn't women talk about and educate expectant mothers about what to expect? This week I figured out why......because we forget!

Last week, Layla turned one. Planning and preparing for a birthday brought back so many childhood memories of cakes, candles, decorations and fun. As expected, Layla was spoilt with gifts and love.
Preparing for Layla's birthday was exciting, stressful, fun and exhausting......a reflection of the first year really! Everyday brings a new challenge and new experience that is all encompassing. The journey to get to this point has been amazing but distracting too. At each point along the way, I have been focused on the here and now. The challenges of last week seem like a lifetime ago. I think the reason why along the way I felt so surprised that no one had prepared or warned me was because my Mummy friends were dealing with their own Mummy challenges for their kids at their particular stage. Every stage from birth onwards brings it's own challenges, worries, stress and joy. We don't go out of our way to hide or gloss over the hard stuff, it's just that we are preoccupied with the here and now. We forget how hard it really is. Our memory gets clouded.  So forgive us if we don't call enough, offer to help enough, are not compassionate enough. Just know that we have all been there and survived. Tomorrow is another day that will mean one step further from yesterday's worries and one step closer to the next.

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